Singles: I Want to Hear From You

By Joel Hilliker

I’m all ears, singles.

You’ve been on my mind quite a lot lately. In a lot of my personal prayer and study, in conversations with several singles and ministers, I’ve been mulling over the particular concerns, desires and struggles of the singles in God’s Church, and even in this world.

In the newest Trumpet issue, our cover story “The Incredible Shrinking Man” garnered quite a lot of response from singles who agreed or disagreed—sometimes vehemently—with some of the conclusions we came to about the state of relations between men and women today. It helped me to get a better picture of some of the challenges and trials facing people in this post-sexual revolution world.

It is becoming clearer just how aggressively Satan has worked—over a period of decades—to confuse us, to weaken us, to complicate our dealings with each other, to convolute the sexual landscape, and ultimately to throw up every possible impediment to us forming happy marriages and godly families.

It is also becoming clearer that these problems in society have had an adverse impact on God’s people.

I know many of you would like to be married, but for one reason or another, it isn’t happening. There is an obstacle in the way—maybe several. No one to date. Not being financially ready. Poor health. A personal desire to mature more emotionally, or spiritually. Shyness. A fear of commitment. Looking around but not seeing anyone who fits the bill. Bad experiences in the past that have left you cynical, or scarred.

Singles: I would like to hear from you. If you want to be married, what is holding you back? Actually, let’s go one step further: If you don’t want to be married, why not?

What obstacles are in your way?

My ears are open. I’m listening. I’d like to better understand your perspective. To hear your thoughts, your frustrations, your hopes, your desires. To learn what is getting in the way of your dating, or why that dating isn’t leading you to marriage.

My hope is that, amid a world that is doing so much to discourage families from forming, God’s Church can do more to reach out and help you clear away some of those barriers.

We all understand that God does not intend for everyone to be married in this life. By no means is being married a prerequisite for salvation.

At the same time, in thinking and praying about this, I’m convinced that many of these obstacles can be overcome. I’m certain that God would love for many of you to marry.

But I also suspect that, with some of you, He is looking for you to pursue that goal more directly.

So take this first step. Send me an e-mail at joelh@pcog.org. Speak your mind. Let’s get your thoughts and experiences on the table and take a look.

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43 thoughts on “Singles: I Want to Hear From You

  1. My partner and I stumbled over here different web page and thought I may
    as well check things out. I like what I see so now i’m following you.
    Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.

  2. Hello Mr Hiliker :-)
    I was one of those invisible singles…
    I am a 61 year old single divorced woman in the Church… it truly never entered my mind to marry again…but I went on a date at the 2012 Feast here in Florida with a friend from my congregation…known him for the past 3 years …but never really “noticed” him..but it was like God knocked me on the noggin and said LOOK at what has been right in front of your face!….I have come to see and love this man for his goodness , honesty, and know he is a true “God fearing” man! Now I realize that in the world tomorrow how can I possibly teach ANYONE what a TRUE God-plane marriage is unless I truly experience it?! I am so thankful to God for opening my eyes and my heart! We are counseling with the Ministry…our one problem is it seems like a lot of the books and articles we have studied are really geared for the young ones just starting out …are children are grown…our “in-laws” are gone..I would LOVE to have something printed up for us older ones :-)

  3. An outstanding share! I have just forwarded
    this onto a friend who was doing a little homework on this.
    And he actually ordered me breakfast due
    to the fact that I stumbled upon it for him.
    .. lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!
    ! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to discuss this
    matter here on your website.

  4. Thank you Mr Hilikier, for your concern for God’s singles. and for all your inspiring articles on marriage and family. You certainly have made all of us think,,, I guess feast time can probably be one of the most difficult times, when we come in contact with so many families,, fears and baggage of the past can certainly hinder us.
    However God has called us to overcome, I will most certainly pray more fervently about and for our singles, and look forward to dropping you a line soon.

  5. Perhaps I do need to “pursue that goal more directly” … but there are precious few singles in our region so if anyone is looking to meet a single male online then I invite you to drop me an email :) rhoward [at] maxmedia.co.uk (PCG members only please).

  6. Answered prayers!! Thank you so much, Mr. Hilliker, for braving this valiant feat! I’m more than psyched to learn from this endeavor of yours that God has so mercifully blessed us with leading you to tackle this task! I’m 33 and still single after being in the PCG since I was 9 years old. This is amazing!!! :)

  7. Thank you very much, Mr. Hilliker! You never failed to inspire me. It’s great to have God’s ministers truly looking into the problems confronting His Family and focusing this time on our singles.

    I was a product of a broken home and I promised myself that I would never do what my parents had done. I fail from time to time but I have to move on and ask God to help me whenever I fail relying on Him and asking for His forgiveness. At the end of the day, I thank Him for giving me my wife and children. I don’t deserve them but God in His mercy blessed me with such a wonderful wife and kids.

    It is God’s will for us to be happy. I think it is also God’s will for our singles marry. After all, He institutionalized the family. I hope many will respond to this call. Again, thank you.

  8. Thanks Mr. Hilliker for digging into this! Weddings are such a happy time and what an opportunity it is to have a family so we can learn how to treat each other right and fulfill our God-given roles.

  9. WOW! Mr. Hilliker…YOU have just opened Pandora’s Box and MY I pray you are truly ready for all of the information you are about to receive. This has been a pressing issue for YEARS and I guess God has been hearing prayers. I wonder how much time you truly are planning on devoting to this as you have your work cut out for you. I will be emailing as soon as I possibly can.

  10. Mr. Hilliker, thank you for your spoken and written messages. You are talented. Judging from the responses here, you will have quite a bit to work with!

    I grew up in God’s Church. When I was a teenager (without the best attitude), I pointed at my parents’ faults. Dad would tell me, “I was brought up in a dysfunctional family.” He would add that he wasn’t excusing himself and went farther by telling me that God’s Holy Spirit did and continued to work miracles in his life.

    I am glad he told me that. Now that I am married with children, I am learning more about my need to progress. I know I can keep moving in the right direction if I keep following God’s lead, like my dad did.

    I, too, would encourage the singles to seek marriage. It is going to happen eventually even if it doesn’t happen physically. Physical marriage has been an effective tool. I have learned more than I would want to admit, but I believe that brings me closer to being what God wants me to be: less dysfunctional everyday.

  11. Thanks for the invitation,Sir.
    Even though marraid, I am looking forward to see the rich and abundant fruits this outreach will produce in cooperating singles.
    Sure I hope the learn from the process ,as we are in preparation to help generations in 1000 years and on in eternity the essence of life. Physical family being the God type relationship that can really explain why MAN is in relation to the God Family.it all starts from baby to single hood and then from parrents to baby. What a wonderful cycle and it is all about family. No wonder Satan is so eager to attack the mind ON this subject,he knows it’s about the God Family expansion.
    So singles I encourage all singles to let their mind know.
    Thank you very much.

  12. Mr. Hilliker

    Thank you for your caring heart and your compassion about an issue that is very real to the hearts of Philadelphian singles. I pray for all the singles that want to find love and have a God plane marriage. Your articles give us all hope and encouragement….keep up the good work!

  13. It never ceases to amaze me how God takes time to address all members of his family. Thank you Mr. Hilliker for letting our father inspire you to write this article. It truly means alot.

  14. Hi Mr. Hilliker, I believe God is speaking through you on a subject that a lot of single people are struggling with and needs addressing. I have been in the PCOG for over 10 years seven of which I have been single and I have found that as we are so spread out from eachother it makes it difficult to meet people and we are limited to our congregation. I am 53 years old which presents another obstacle, in my congregation the single people are either in there early twenties or seniors in their 70′s, 80′s, and 90′s. This means that I have to rely on meeting someone at the Feast or by visiting another congregations. It took me some time but I came to the realization that God knows our hearts and desires and if we put Him first and have patience He will work things out on our behalf. At the Feast in 2011 I had the pleasure of meeting someone with whom I made a connection with and kept in touch through e-mail. A minister at the Feast gave me some advice and told me to become friends first which is difficult to do when your friend lives six hours away, telephone and e-mail can only go so far in developing a friendship. Since the 2012 Feast I have made a couple of trips to see my friend and she has visited my congregation recently, its much better seeing my friend in person and we are becoming better and closer friends. So in summary, some of the obstacles that we singles have to navigate are the limitations of our congregations, meeting compatible people suitable to our age, and developing long distance relationships. I believe this is a great forum where single people can learn they are not by themselves and there are others in the PCOG facing similar issues.

  15. With an open mind, I often think of how God’s Law defines boundaries for all of us in EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE – even dating for marriage (if interested). Each of us work to mature (practice) our abilities in our own capacity (role) within God’s perfect framework. As begotten children today (those baptized), we understand the Incredible Human Potential. For me, the thought of existing in the Wonderful World Tomorrow as a spirit member of God’s inner court makes this stage of life seem almost meaningless – especially once a person realizes the magnitude of things yet to come.

    Coupled with the obstacles mentioned above (a.k.a. “accumulated personal baggage”), in addition to the challenges of building a successful physical marriage AND family in today’s society, let’s face it: a myriad of complex combinations need to align before any interest develops towards dating. God’s boundaries certainly don’t leave much room for personal-choice attraction. How easy it seems to forget that all-important piece.

    As much as I would like the burning desire to be married and build my own family, I don’t see it for myself at this time. The bottom line is that ultimately, marriage needs to be a DESIRE and unfortunately, even God’s example of Family doesn’t instill the desire in me at this time. I wish it did. Alas, we are all clay in God’s hand and in time, who knows what will happen.

  16. Mr. Hilliker, thank you for this article and the challenge to post an answer. The Devil has done a masterful job, starting with Mother Eve and wasting no time in perverting God’s wonderful way of life. The responses to “The Incredible Shrinking Man” show us how much work lies ahead in teaching God’s way and reversing the damage that has been done to the sacred institution of marriage and the resulting upside-down families extant everywhere.
    For myself, when I was about 12, well before being called by God at the age of 16, I looked around me and never saw one successful marriage and I remember telling my sister that I would never marry. I will be 64 in a few days and I never married. When I read the Autobiography of Herbert W Armstrong, that was probably my first exposure to or knowledge of a successful marriage, with the possible exception being episodes of Little House on the Prairie.
    I think the thing that weighed most against me was the fear that I would do to my wife what my dad did to my mother. And that I would treat my children the way my dad treated me. In one sense I can see where the feminist movement could be partly a backlash against old school abusive fathers, which there have been plenty of all around us. All you have to do is talk to the brethren at Church and ask, and most of the men will tell you that they came from families with abusive fathers.
    I guess I am what you would call collateral damage, but thanks to God and this Work, which I am supporting with my whole heart, and the wonderful articles you men are selflessly laboring to write, I believe that all the damage Satan has been able to accomplish, can and will be set right again when God commissions us to go out and teach His way to all mankind. And I don’t it will take 1,000 years to do it. God speed that day!

    • Thank you for sharing, Ross. Now in my mid-30′s, I have the same worry in that I will be as my own physical father to both a wife and children. This horrifying fear (through personal experience) is the very reason my feet remained buried in concrete. Being held accountable and responsible for the lives of others is something I’m just not willing to do at this time.

    • ~ Thanks for sharing with all of us Ross Freeman. I think I was about that age to(16) being called. I’m 18 now though but ever since I turned 18, my cousin always talks about having children and a husband in the future and I just paused and try and change the topic. I’d sometimes get in trouble by my cousin for not wanting to have a future family and kids and etc, because the very fear you have is my fear. Theres other reasons but you get the idea. I truly hope you the best, my friend.

      ~ Again thanks for sharing mate

  17. This is an exciting and inspiring article you have prepared Mr. Hilliker! It is going to be very interesting to see what the outcome of all this is.

  18. Thank you sir for the encouragement, it hasn’t been easy as a single to “keep oneself unspotted from the world”. I will surely contact you.

  19. Warm thanks, Mr. Hilliker…now sending from different parts of the globe.I’m preparing now tow to be amazed on God’s perspective here.

  20. Mr Hilliker

    You can see you have touched an a very real subject for some of us. It is difficult at times, and family is what we all strive for. I have learned to leave it in God’s hands, and one day hope to have the chance to share God on an intimate level with my husband. To share and learn with a spouse seems the ultimate to me, I think about how sharing God’s word and preparing for the world tomorrow would reach new heights.

  21. Thank you, Mr.Hilliker for showing an interest in what we think and would like for us to share. As I am 66 year old widow in God’s church, I have been praying that we, the singles would be blessed with compatible persons whom God send to fit us in. In His time, I believe that it will work out for us to get married again as I hope for.

  22. There are so many of us wondering what we’re doing wrong and why things dont seem to be working out. This is really going to help us. This presses on the minds of me and my friends. There are so many great singles out there who just need a push in the right direction.

  23. Thank you, thank you Mr. Hilliker. As a 44 year old single lady in the church I am so thankful you are taking the time to ask our thoughts & experiences on this. I am definitely going to email you.

  24. Wow! THANK YOU, Mr. Hilliker!! We all sit down and have conversations about this very topic so often, and so many have so MUCH to say. Your inbox is going to be FLOODED! :D Thanks again. Can’t wait to hear the conclusion of the matter. And LOVE your articles by the way!!!

  25. Wow! Mr. Hilliker. You have posed some very good questions and things for me to ponder as well. Thank you for your help. Iron sharpening iron.

  26. Mr. Hiliker,

    What you are taking on is a direct answer to prayers I have been praying for a long time – FOR ALL THE SINGLES in God’s Church! I have been asking – pleading sometimes – God would address the problems, attitudes and approaches I’ve been seeing and noticing creeping into His Family from the world. If we’re going to teach the world how to date, build strong relationships, marriages, families and happy children, we NEED to get it right. I’m so glad God will provide us direction, guidance, correction and encouragement (as He always does), but in a more direct way!

    Thank you, Mr. Hiliker for taking on this task! I can’t put words to how much I appreciate what you were inspired to do.

  27. Hello Mr. Hilliker,
    In recent weeks, you have written some eye-opening, thought-provoking articles on the state of women, men, marriage and family. It seems there are plenty of opinions, but few good answers among the debate on either side. That’s because, as you correctly pointed out, mankind doesn’t have the knowledge on how to be a man or woman. Humans are incapable through their own methods, warped reasoning, self-indulgent education, talk shows, psychiatrists, counselors, self-help books and so-called religions, of obtaining the true knowledge required to be a “real” men and women, which is necessary to have a God family relationship. A male must Iearn how to be a righteous man before he can be a husband. And likewise for the female. If we will accept our God given role, be it male or female, and grow in his knowledge, then and only then will the opportunity arise for a successful loving relationship. Only God can do it. This is the lesson I’ve had to learn, and thankfully so. Thank you, sir, for sharing the God Family vision.

    • Hi Mr. Hilliker, :)

      Thank you for your care and concern for single brothers and sisters in God’s Church. Physically I would say logistics is the biggest challenge to proper dating and relationship building. Many of us are not young people and are holding down sometimes more than one job and we have more responsibilities and such. Getting away to date is difficult. We are so spread out. Perhaps God will fix that in the days ahead when we work and live together like Place of Safety?
      Spiritually I would say “ditto” to everything Mr. T. Trecker just wrote. He has hit the nail right on the head. However I do believe with God’s Spirit and the desire and committment to grow and try that Christ in us will help us overcome all obsticals to become mature and balanced men and women in all aspects of life. Very much looking forward to your writings on this subject after pondering all the results. Thanks again for caring. PS To me both ways of life are a blessing, so either way I’m content. :)

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