Sometimes it seems men and women speak different languages! Men and women communicate differently, and think differently. Yes, the sexes are different from each other.
Society seems to want to ignore this. But God designed these differences—not just physical but also mental—with intent and purpose (e.g. Genesis 1:26-27; 2:18-24).
It is important for us to understand these differences. If you don’t, a lot of frustrations can develop. They can even happen routinely within marriage, between two people who have committed to each other, who know each other well and love each other—people who have experience in relating to each other.
But these miscommunications and frustrations can be compounded among singles. You don’t know each other as well. You don’t know how to read each other; it’s easier to misconstrue or misread each other.
God gave men and women different sets of strengths. That is because He intends us to complement one another. We are incomplete with each other.
That doesn’t mean that you have to be married in order to be complete. But even as a single, you need to learn and understand these important differences. God wants all of us to learn how to relate to people who are different from ourselves, and to work together as a unified team.
There are aspects of God’s character that you can learn from the other sex. And the fact that we are each incomplete without the other means that we each have different needs. The fact that we each tend to be strong in certain areas implies that we are weak in others—and that the other sex can help us shore up those weaknesses with strengths of their own.
There are God Family dynamics at work in the right kinds of interactions between men and women. You need those in order to become a whole and balanced person.
Years ago, a minister in the Worldwide Church of God produced an outline of a message titled “The Basic Differences Between Men and Women.” Within that outline, he listed 10 basic needs of men, and 10 basic needs of women. These are excellent lists, rooted in the Bible and in practical experience.
If you are a woman, study the list of the man’s needs. I believe most men would agree this is an accurate list, and would be extremely happy to have their female friends helping to supply these things. You may think them silly, or signs of weakness. In a real sense, they are signs of weakness—weakness that God intends you to help with! Aim to improve at fulfilling these needs in your friendships with the single men in the Church. Perhaps review the list before you go on a date.
The Basic Needs of a Man
1. He needs to be admired.
2. He needs honest feedback.
3. He needs to be respected for his role as the leader.
4. He needs to be bolstered and encouraged.
5. He needs recognition for his achievements and success.
6. He needs the loyalty and support of the opposite sex.
7. He needs a challenge, and to be understood for his masculine interests, drives and ambitions.
8. He needs a woman to be enthusiastic and responsive to his ideas, suggestions and requests.
9. He needs appreciation for the special things he does.
10.He needs a sense of self-worth.
Men—here is the list of a woman’s needs. Working to understand these and fill these needs will make you a more valuable companion and friend to the single women in the Church. Pray that God would give you the love, wisdom, kindness, tact, patience and tenderness to exhibit these qualities.
The Basic Needs of a Woman
1. She needs attention.
2. She needs appreciation, approval and sincere compliments.
3. She needs people and personal relationships.
4. She needs to be loved, respected and treated with tenderness.
5. She needs a shoulder to cry on without fear of rejection.
6. She needs to know that her opinions count.
7. She needs to know a man appreciates her differences & tries to understand her emotional makeup
8. She needs a man to tell her of his plans so she’ll know how to properly prepare for them.
9. She needs to be assured that he is mindful of her physical limitations.
10. She needs for a man to be sensitive, protective and caring of her total welfare.
This outline concluded these lists by saying that these needs and differences can be summed up in two broad principles. These are points we should remember in our dealings with the opposite sex. We should picture them as if stamped on their forehead or as a sign hung around the neck:
· For the man: needs a sense of self-worth—treat with respect.
· For the woman: fragile—handle with care.
Use these points to bridge the “language barrier” with the other sex, deepen your friendships, and so strengthen the body of Christ!