Maybe your school is full of cliques. Everybody seems to has his group that he hangs out with, oftentimes shutting others out.
Have you ever stopped to think about how people choose their friends? Yes, people with the same interests or tastes in clothes or music gravitate toward each other—but, just as often, the group you’re in tends to shape your interests or tastes. In fact, the people you spend time with can change your life, for better or worse.
Think about who you spend time with—at school, after school, on the weekends. Not your family, but your friends. What kind of people are they? What draws you to them? What do you do together? How do you usually act around them? What do other people think of them? Do your parents like them?
You may not realize this, but who you choose as your friends says a lot about you! Choosing the right friends is an important responsibility. That doesn’t mean becoming part of a clique and shutting others out. It means being smart about who you spend the most time with and allow yourself to be influenced by.
Helpful answers to these real-life questions can be searched out in the pages of your own Bible. The scriptural references in this article are a good starting point. Look them up and then write out the verses as you read them, and your memory of these principles and knowledge of your Bible will improve significantly. It will be well worth your effort!
Everybody Needs Good Friends
1. Does God recognize our need for companionship? Genesis 2:18.
How dull life would be without family and friends. From the very beginning when God created humans, He made us to desire the company of other people. You are naturally a social person.
2. What are some of the advantages of having a good friend? Ecclesiastes 4:9-10; Proverbs 17:17.
A true friend will be there to lift you up when you fall. Loyalty is a priceless quality in a friend.
3. Can a good friend actually help you become a better person? Proverbs 27:9, 17.
These verses are talking about someone wise enough to give good advice, someone who is a joy to talk with because he or she makes you think.
4. Will a true friend tell you the truth—even if it hurts in the short run? Proverbs 27:6. Can we sometimes be deceived by flattery from someone who doesn’t have our best interests at heart? Same verse.
These few verses provide some helpful principles to follow in determining just how valuable your friends are. Do your friends have the qualities described above? If so, hang on to those friends! They are precious people in your life!
Think harder about these verses, and you’ll see that these are qualities you should develop so you can be a better friend to others.
Making the Right Friends
1. What sort of effect does the character of your friends have on you? Proverbs 13:20. What happens if you associate with people of high character? Of low character? Same verse. Will negative personality traits eventually rub off on you? Proverbs 22:24-25. Should that alter who you choose as your friends? Verse 24.
This is a valuable piece of wisdom! Make it personal. Think for a while about your friends and how they influence you.
2. Does the New Testament agree with those proverbs? 1 Corinthians 15:33.
This verse is translated somewhat awkwardly in the King James Version. The Moffatt Bible translates it, “Make no mistake about this: ‘bad company is the ruin of good character.’” In other words, it is guaranteed that if you hook up with the wrong people, they will bring you down with them.
3. Does God command against getting caught up doing the wrong things when you’re with the wrong crowd? Exodus 23:2, first part; Ephesians 5:6-7. What should you do if you’re invited to participate in misconduct? Proverbs 1:10-16.
Peer pressure is an easy thing to give in to. Hanging around people who are prone to inappropriate activity is a sure way to get involved in it yourself. You will also be subject to the consequences and punishments they face when caught—sometimes, even if you weren’t directly participating. It’s called “guilt by association.” It is best to just stay away from such people—especially when they’re doing something they shouldn’t.
4. If you choose the wrong friends, how will that affect your parents? Proverbs 28:7.
Have your parents ever told you to stay away from one of your friends? Many young people would consider that none of their parents’ business. But you must realize how the choices you make reflect on them. Realize that they are acting out of concern for your good. Hear them out and respect their perceptions. They can probably detect aspects of your friend’s character that you are unaware of. If you feel their judgment is wrong, perhaps there is a way your friend can spend some time with your family to create a better impression.
5. What attitude do you have to guard against when you see people engaged in wrongdoing? Proverbs 24:1-2.
The answer probably isn’t what you expected! But think about it: Have you ever found yourself looking at people doing bad things and admiring them or wishing you could join them? A lot of movies and television shows seem to appeal to this common desire. God says to put it out of your mind. The Moffatt translation says, “Never envy evil men, never seek their company.” Though what they are doing may appear fun, they will be paying for it later—as will you, if you go along.
6. What does God call you if you successfully shun bad advice and avoid the wrong people? Psalm 1:1.
Read through verse 4 to find out more of the blessings and benefits that come from exercising wisdom in this regard.
Caving in to Pressure
Perhaps you still feel you are strong enough to be close to the wrong person and avoid their negative influence. Here are some biblical examples of strong, godly men who thought the same thing—and paid heavily for it!
1. Even though Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived besides Jesus Christ (1 Kings 10:23-24), what happened when he associated with women who worshiped false gods? 1 Kings 11:4.
2. What happened to the super-strong Samson when he succumbed to his weakness for the Philistine Delilah? Judges 16:4-6, 16-21.
3.Ahab was an evil king—but was he acting alone or did he allow himself to be stirred up and influenced by someone close to him who was even worse? 1 Kings 21:25.
The point is, no matter how smart or strong you think you are, you are still susceptible to bad influences.
The fact that all three of these examples involved men giving in to women is significant. The principles in this article are especially important to remember when you choose whom you date! Those can be the closest and most impacting associations you make in your life.
This area is one of the most difficult to live correctly and easiest to abuse. Get counsel about when and whom to date. Many young people, too careless, trusting or desperate for attention, find themselves in sad, frightening circumstances with someone eager to take advantage of them. Even someone who wouldn’t force anything on you may still have very different ideas of what is acceptable in terms of romantic or sexual activity. Make sure you are very particular about dating the right people!
Relate Well to All People
Again, it is an important responsibility to exercise wisdom in choosing your friends. But how, then, should you treat other people—even those that you recognize would make poor friends?
1. How did the Apostle Paul want the Church members to deal with fellow brethren involved in serious sin? 1 Corinthians 5:9. But did he mean they should avoid all company with all sinners? Verse 10. How did Jesus ask God the Father to protect His people from evil in the world? John 17:15.
It is not right, let alone practical, to disassociate yourself from everyone who doesn’t “measure up” to the highest standards. God wants us to live in this world to develop self-control and wisdom—character!
2. Does God expect us to do all we can to treat all people peaceably, with respect? Romans 12:17-18; Galatians 6:10.
Being selective in choosing your friends does not excuse you from being kind and courteous to everybody. Behaving respectfully even toward those who don’t like you will set you apart. Often, even your enemies will notice and will find it much harder to dislike you.
3. What sort of example did Paul set, even as he spent time with some of the “weak” of the world? 1 Corinthians 9:22. Did he tell us to do the same? 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15.
Relating well to all people—becoming “all things to all men”—is a lifelong challenge. It is more difficult for some people than others, but an important goal for everyone to strive for.